They rebooted it and put Tobey Maguire on suicide watch.
SPOILER ALERT IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ALL FOUR MOVIES!
The first movie was decent, with its main high point being the casting of Willem Dafoe. Then things got a little stupider with Doctor Octopus‘s plan to blow up the city because his wife is dead and his robot arms think it’s a good idea. Then every die hard Spidey fan got a swift kick in the nuts with the release of Spider Man 3.
Like an unchecked UTI, Sam Raimi’s Spider Man trilogy only got worse over time.
I'm sorry people died, I'm just gonna blow away in the wind now....
Many people blame the failure of this movie on the excessive amount of villans, but I blame it on how badly these villans were portrayed. Throughout the movie they struggle to make me feel bad for Sandman, just because he feels bad for himself. He killed Uncle Ben, but he’s really sorry about it. He goes on a superpowered crime spree racking up property damage and human fatalities, but he did it because his daughter’s sick. He morphs into a giant sand monster and terrorizes the city, but then apologizes after Harry Osborn dies because of it. Yes, poor poor Sandman.
My bangs make me edgy!
We also see a rendition of Venom that gave us all nightmares, and not the kind Venom is supposed to give us. First Peter is merged with the Venom symbiote, which is supposed to make him aggressive and self-confident. To portray this, the director gives him emo bangs and a prissy attitude. Then the symbiote leaves him for the only logical host, Eric Foreman from That 70s Show. Yes, nothing says intimidating alien monster like the skinny dork who only had friends because they were able to smoke pot in his basement.
But by far the worst part of these movies is Tobey Maguire. They told him Peter Parker was a science geek, so he decided to portray him as a whiney, little pussy.
He didn’t just get superpowers from that spider bite, he got ungodly levels of estrogen!
Then they rebooted it and put Tobey Maguire on suicide watch.
Andrew Garfield is perfectly awkward and nerdy, but with a regular balance of male hormones. He is also a lot more likable, instead of Tobey Maguire who made ME want to bully him. Garfield’s Peter Parker is also shown as a teenage genius, not just some kid who gets good grades on his homework. This makes it completely believable when he builds the webshooters Maguire wasn’t cool enough to wear.
He looks like a Gecko with a condom over his head
The Lizard was a great choice as a starter villan for this rebooted franchise. It tied Dr. Connors into Peter getting his powers as well as his parents’ disappearance. The only real issue I have with The Lizard is that they gave him Voldemort’s nose instead of a gator snout. Well, that and his sewer lair. Did no one notice a man moving desks and computer equipment into the sewers of NYC? The choice of Gwen Stacy over Mary Jane was also great, considering Gwen is Peter’s first love in the comics. And who doesn’t love Emma Stone? Crazy people, that’s who.
The reboot still honored some corner stones in Spider Man movie traditions.
Such as ending with a rainy funeral scene, nobody noticing Peter’s blatant use of superpowers on school grounds, and Spidey getting his mask ripped off in the final battle. What we didn’t get was a straight forward, “With great power comes great responsibility,” and for that, we are saddened.
What’s even sadder is we have to wait until 2014 for the next one!
